Oh, the adventures of a cellular device.

I know that seems little kid-girlish, but I'm going to copy down about thirty saved messages off my cellular device so that I will have more space for messgaes. All of the following is from Chad Evans:

1You're beautiful. You are the angel of my nightmares. You're the beat of my heart. the air in my lungs. You make me, me....Maybe I should tell you how when you are gone I am lost in space so please come back so my feet can touch solid ground Because you are my world. my everything.

2You save me. in every way that a person can be saved. Anything you ask, I owe it to you. Goodnight my sweetheart. I love you. Dream of me (chad<3mandy)

3Amanda, promise me you'll stay with me forever. I can't make it without you. I couldn't live without you. NO matter what happens, promise you'll stay.

4Just sit there and listen to. my heart as it beats like wild for you. tell me everything you see. tell me how you feel with me. Am I everything that you seek? On the mountains highest peek. is this all you dreamed up in your head? I protect you by your bed. so just lay there,without a fear. without a care.because I am here.

5I'm tired of you making me mad when I could be happy. I mean, you do make me very happy but sometimes you just..but okay.(This was saved for certain mental purposes)

6(i hope you KNOW I love you and you really honestly don't ever have to ask) yes, true love. Love the never ends. never fades. never leaves your side. always here for you.

7Baby I love you. Everything is okay. Just rest your head on my chest. Everything's fine now.

8You're the best thing that's ever happened to me. I hope you're happy where your at in life. You make me so happy. I'm so lucky. Ah, I'm lucky. I love you forever.

9It breaks my heart.just to know you're apart. I'll fight to be with you. bleed out the blue. I'll lose every color I have. I'll sty black and white to find you every day and night. See me in your thoughts. don't worry I'm already caught. Everywhere you go, I go. After all, you are my rainbow. So I'll stay without color as long as you're my lover. (Next time you see me, smile a lot. I like your smile. P.S. I love you.)

10Baby I love you. Forever will I love you. I'll take care of us. I promise. Gosh, I love you. My beautiful angel.

11I love you my princess. YOU and only you. Just you. Not for your body or for your beauty. I love you for you. I'll do anything for you.

12I love you I love you. trust me. believe me. Because I trust you. I believe you. Let me be fully your and you fully mine. Let's not argue. Let's love.

13Ching. Kiing. Sing ring. (that's ancient greekbrue.)

14Amanda panda. You're the best. above the rest. so come love me. please please hurryee. I love love you. You're my all three wishes come true.

15Okay, so. Once upon a time there was a moo cow. and she lived in the field. She kept to herself and never bothered anyone. And lived a pretty average life. But there was a special dy. A day that she'll remember for all eternity. She witnessed a murde. Her cousin cow whom she loved. was grazing around eating grass. When on this day a black bird flew by and dropped a sharp stick arrow on the cow. It got the cow right in the introsusing. (that's the main nerve system on a cow). The cow was without nervous system. So he couldn't move. He fell into a mud puddle an drowned. When the bird's boss found out about the witness he sent out the hit man once more. The bird flew in fast and low. He dropped the stick but the cow saw it coming and moved and grabbed the stick with its tall and threw it back and the bird and it went through the bird's wing. The bird fell. The cow tortured the bird til' it told who it worked for. Then the cow killed the bird. And killed the pig, who was the boss.

16Amanda I love you. With the utmost love.

17You're the MOST beautiful. Amanda you were honestly truely so beautiful tonight. Like so beautiful tonight. Like so many times I just stared at you. In amazement that you're my girlfriend.

18You're so beautiful. You looked so good tonight. I can't get over how amazingly ravishing you looked.

19Sleep wonderful. Know I'm at your side. Holding you. Protecting you. Loving you.

20I'll do anything in the world for you. Whenever you may need me I'll be there. I'm not just saying that. That is true. I love you so much. More than everything I could imagine. I love you more than anything. I hope you know by being wiht me everyday I care about you. I hope you can see it. Through something so small as to me getting your drinks and foods or something so big as to having sex. Amanda I love you more than I ever thought it was possible. and my love gets stronger everyday for you. I'd be completely lost without you. You're my everything. I truely mean that. Everything I do has a thought of you in it. 1437.

21I hope you have a wonderful day. You're so amazing. I love you so stinking much. You are so beautiful. I'm lucky. Man, I'm so lucky. Thank you for being myamanda.


Pretty much he loves me and he thinks that he is the luckiest guy alive. How could I blame him?

I need Chad with me, now. That'd be pretty stinking fantastic. The end.

An undoubtable doubtfulness.

[sigh]
I feel so over whelmed and yet I'm not over thinking it. I'm not mad. I'm not sad. I'm not curious. I'm experiencing an absolute emotionless wind, whipping over my skin. I don't know what to believe. I don't like feeling confused or inadequate. What am I? A toy? A joke? Mrs. Buckhaults said to "not present a problem unless you also show a solution." I'm trying to not even show my problems to people. I don't want to vent. I don't want to talk about what upsets me. I don't want to tell anyone anything. I just want it all to go away. I want to embrace things. I want to stop being paranoid. I want to stop wishing that I knew the answers. I want to just stop. Like a big red sign shinning in front of a speeding truck.
I am kind of letting it out at the moment. Bare with me until I regain myself. I don't know much of what it is that I'm looking for now. To be quite frank, without Chad at school it's very hard to stay focused or even want to do anything in class. I only did it to be an example to him. I don't feel like being responsible. I'm a baby, I realize.

Where does "dead as a door knob" come from? How is a door knob dead? It's never alive in the first place? OR.."there's two ways to skin a cat." I mean, why would you want to even preform such a vile thing? I cannot fathom most expressions. Well, Chad introduced me to an interesting song by Shawn McDonald called ALL I NEED. Let's drive this needing thing to the wall, shall we?

Don't risk anything that you can not afford to lose.

"I'm speechless,over the edge. I'm just breathless, I never thought that I would catch this love bug.I'm Hopeless, head over heels, in the moment."



There's something alluring in the fact that your actions may lose or gain something. The sense that whatever you do will lead you to two different paths. Even just a simple smile can change your life, or someone else's.