Hannah Montana Movie = muy excellente (pretty sure that excellente isn't Spanish, but I can turn on my "imagination" with that one). I attended it with Catherine Woodyard, Mary Woodyard (her fifth grade sistahh), and Brittany Richardson. As a cliffnote, I never saw Brittany R. and I being pals; that's why you never say never. The movie was initially sold out, so I bought a ticket for another movie and "snuck" in. I've never done that before in my life. It was terribly frightening. I thought that I was for sure getting kicked out of that joint (snazzy). After the nice movie, I ate a hugee baked potato. Potatoes make me bloated, for the record. I think that Catherine and I are going to be veryy close friends. I can't see myself NOT being better friends. She likes Frank Sinatra for chrissakes! If watermelon isn't sweet, I don't know what is. (Where does sugar come from?) Hmm. .Chad text me. He's barely acknowledged me lately. I think his heart is moving on, to bigger and better. Well, maybe not better. (yes, better.)
I don't feel such remorse, though. I like the fact that I've been incorporating myself with Jennifer and Jade again. They both used to be such a big part of my life. I don't see why I ever decided to toss them to the side for Kristin and Adriane. They're both grand girls, but recently, it's almost as though I am not as near to them as previous dates would seem. I blame this on quitting Track. Curse exercising for all it's worth!
Anyways, as I was saying, Chad text me. There's pretty much nothing that I like more than looking down at my phone and have "Everything" on the screen. The butterflies that occur are phenomenal. Sweet Action, truly, I have found.
I'm still falling- falling isn't the thing that hurts. It's the crash. So, I intend to avoid the whole "ground" part of the scenario. Catch me, you fool, just kiss me.
Life's a climb, but -with you-it's worth the view.
P.S. The word "car" comes from Carriage, interesting.
Friday, April 10, 2009
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
There is no try, either you do or you do not.
When I get nervous, I shake my leg. When I get really depressed, I shake my leg. When I'm angry and trying to calm down, I shake my leg. When I'm anxious, I shake my leg. When I'm coaxing myself to sleep, I shake my leg. When I'm watching television or reading a book (focusing on what I'm into), I shake my leg. .When I'm with Chad, while I am lying beside him, I don't shake my leg. I'm shaking my leg as I type. It's sort of like a stress reliever. It keeps my mind busy on movement, instead of wandering endlessly into open spaces of over-thinking.
I keep expecting to go to my phone and see "one message from Chad Evans" (his name is labelled "everything" in my cellular device.); I haven't seen that message yet. I asked him why we we're together. I asked him this Sunday. Saturday night, we seemed dandy. As a matter of fact, we seem dandy everyday-with the exception of this afternoon. He doesn't want a girlfriend right now. More than that, he doesn't want to tell anyone he has a girlfriend. He wants the perks, and I want the perks,too. So, after he explained (more or less-I would say less) that he just wanted to act how we had been acting, I came to the conclusion that I shouldn't have mentioned being a couple in the first place. I've been single for a month. Since February the twenty-eighth, which coincidentally is the same date of the month that I gave Chad everything because I imagined a big, happy married life with him...September twenty-eighth. I stop dreaming that happy marriage today,yes; it ends today. I can not lie to myself. I can not tell myself to wait for him. I say that I can't help it that there is no one else. That can't be true. You pick and choose who you love. I love Chad, I know this. He knows this. Somehow, the whole "Oh, it is love, from the first time I set my eyes unto you, thinking, oh, it is love," is not so much of a fact as it is an opinion. At the moment, it seems to just be my opinion. I bluntly exclaimed that all, every inch of satisfaction would come to me if he would just say "I love you." He couldn't, or..he wouldn't. Breathe in, close your eyes. I can't sit here and soak in some drowned pool of tears, I don't want to cry. I won't cry. Yes, he helped me. Yes, he was wonderful. Yes, he is going to be someone ravishing. But so am I. I have to start up my business. I have to stop trying to stop. What is there to stop but only myself. I am the only obstacle blocking my gain. I am the only thing that is slowing down my opportunities. I, and I alone, am the reason that I have not excelled yet. I went to the internet and looked up the date for September twenty-eighth. This strange website came up that had simply this on the page: "What happened on September twenty-eighth?" (and the answer was a short space below it, that read,) "A beautiful girl named Amanda was born." I found this to be sort of ironic. I was born. I realize, apparently, this wasn't describing me because my birthday isn't until December, yet I still kept reading that sentence:"A beautiful girl named Amanda was born." Rise up, oh, ye sleepers, rise up!
Who would give a law to lovers? Love is unto itself a higher law.
I keep expecting to go to my phone and see "one message from Chad Evans" (his name is labelled "everything" in my cellular device.); I haven't seen that message yet. I asked him why we we're together. I asked him this Sunday. Saturday night, we seemed dandy. As a matter of fact, we seem dandy everyday-with the exception of this afternoon. He doesn't want a girlfriend right now. More than that, he doesn't want to tell anyone he has a girlfriend. He wants the perks, and I want the perks,too. So, after he explained (more or less-I would say less) that he just wanted to act how we had been acting, I came to the conclusion that I shouldn't have mentioned being a couple in the first place. I've been single for a month. Since February the twenty-eighth, which coincidentally is the same date of the month that I gave Chad everything because I imagined a big, happy married life with him...September twenty-eighth. I stop dreaming that happy marriage today,yes; it ends today. I can not lie to myself. I can not tell myself to wait for him. I say that I can't help it that there is no one else. That can't be true. You pick and choose who you love. I love Chad, I know this. He knows this. Somehow, the whole "Oh, it is love, from the first time I set my eyes unto you, thinking, oh, it is love," is not so much of a fact as it is an opinion. At the moment, it seems to just be my opinion. I bluntly exclaimed that all, every inch of satisfaction would come to me if he would just say "I love you." He couldn't, or..he wouldn't. Breathe in, close your eyes. I can't sit here and soak in some drowned pool of tears, I don't want to cry. I won't cry. Yes, he helped me. Yes, he was wonderful. Yes, he is going to be someone ravishing. But so am I. I have to start up my business. I have to stop trying to stop. What is there to stop but only myself. I am the only obstacle blocking my gain. I am the only thing that is slowing down my opportunities. I, and I alone, am the reason that I have not excelled yet. I went to the internet and looked up the date for September twenty-eighth. This strange website came up that had simply this on the page: "What happened on September twenty-eighth?" (and the answer was a short space below it, that read,) "A beautiful girl named Amanda was born." I found this to be sort of ironic. I was born. I realize, apparently, this wasn't describing me because my birthday isn't until December, yet I still kept reading that sentence:"A beautiful girl named Amanda was born." Rise up, oh, ye sleepers, rise up!
Who would give a law to lovers? Love is unto itself a higher law.
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
Substitute problem with opportunity
You walk through the door, all eyes on you. You feel your hands sweating, your heart is pumping like a man in a gym. You can barely hold anything in your palms. It's almost as if you are becoming weightless. You are the main attraction, your grace is intricate. There is nothing that could distract the crowd from your steps. The air smells of spring-lilies and duckies. You've never been more beautiful, you've never seen such beauty yourself. You look ahead, and no matter the eyes you catch-you are captivated by one destination-your groom. A moment like this, oh how you've waited. Oh, how there is just one thing on your mind, forever-him.
Two days ago, I had full confidence that Chad was who I was going to marry. I knew, for a fact, that he was everything I wanted. I didn't have a doubt that he would be mine again, perhaps not now-but someday. Yesterday, I told him this. I explored my mind. I explained that I wanted to work together-amount things for God in a team-be one, as two. He ventured a different subject and stumbled in the wary words that he would call me that night and tell me his own wants and goals. He didn't. We were both rather sleepy, so I accepted that. This morning came along and I wanted to text an immensely long message explaining that I wanted to love him and he was pushing me away (it seems like people who get scared of love are good at pushing love away). I was once in those shoes, tying those same shoe strings. Chad was the one who laced them up in a different fashion. Chad was the one that convinced me love was real. Why would he spend so many hours trying to woe me, so many days persuading me that he wanted to be betrothed to me, just to leave. "I will never leave you, Amanda-I promise." Those words, they are so simple, so easy to wrap around. So very, very small... to someone else. To me, those words are my security for happiness. Did God only give Chad to me to help me grow? Did God only supply me with Chad so that I could mature? Did Chad only give me God to help me realize my purpose?I know that God knows exactly what I need and exactly where I'm going. I trust him, I'm not worried. I'm just a little scared and not willing. Once I let myself be willing to accept anything-I know that I will be installed with pure joy. I need joy. I thrive on joy.
It's one of those rainy days where you just would be delighted to slumber.
I wonder if it's raining in Heidelberg? I wonder if Chad is exhausted? I wonder if he is having a dandy day? I wonder if he's talking to his friends, or thinking about what I'm thinking about? I wonder if he's praying-reading? I wonder if he is happy?
Sometimes, you just aren't going to know. And so I do not.
Two days ago, I had full confidence that Chad was who I was going to marry. I knew, for a fact, that he was everything I wanted. I didn't have a doubt that he would be mine again, perhaps not now-but someday. Yesterday, I told him this. I explored my mind. I explained that I wanted to work together-amount things for God in a team-be one, as two. He ventured a different subject and stumbled in the wary words that he would call me that night and tell me his own wants and goals. He didn't. We were both rather sleepy, so I accepted that. This morning came along and I wanted to text an immensely long message explaining that I wanted to love him and he was pushing me away (it seems like people who get scared of love are good at pushing love away). I was once in those shoes, tying those same shoe strings. Chad was the one who laced them up in a different fashion. Chad was the one that convinced me love was real. Why would he spend so many hours trying to woe me, so many days persuading me that he wanted to be betrothed to me, just to leave. "I will never leave you, Amanda-I promise." Those words, they are so simple, so easy to wrap around. So very, very small... to someone else. To me, those words are my security for happiness. Did God only give Chad to me to help me grow? Did God only supply me with Chad so that I could mature? Did Chad only give me God to help me realize my purpose?I know that God knows exactly what I need and exactly where I'm going. I trust him, I'm not worried. I'm just a little scared and not willing. Once I let myself be willing to accept anything-I know that I will be installed with pure joy. I need joy. I thrive on joy.
It's one of those rainy days where you just would be delighted to slumber.
I wonder if it's raining in Heidelberg? I wonder if Chad is exhausted? I wonder if he is having a dandy day? I wonder if he's talking to his friends, or thinking about what I'm thinking about? I wonder if he's praying-reading? I wonder if he is happy?
Sometimes, you just aren't going to know. And so I do not.
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
Monday, November 17, 2008
the world is spinning but all i see is you (Chad)
-chad
first off.i just want to get clear and in the open.me and kali started talkin after me and you broke up.i didnt break up with you for another girl.however lets not waste time on that.
we are dating again.so now we can both get some sleep.some good sleep too.like the kind when we were kids playing in the dirt all day and our parents try make us take a bath (but we dont want to bc that whole day we were worriors to protect the king,and worriors do not take baths bc being dirty means you killed an army) but we never make it past turning on the water to fill the tub and our towel.in which the water turns into sleeping music and the towel a pillow and the rug on the floor in front of the bath tub, well thats our bed. that kind of sleep.with no cares at all.and we never dream of breakups.only fighting a drogon, or for you, marrying prince charming.and singing with him.bc thats how you know you love each other.right right..?okay well at least that what the movie said that we watched together.enchanted i belive it was.i dont know what the world will think of us.what your friends will say.your teachers.(im sure they say oh dont take him back...but i could be wrong they could actually be happy for you)i dont know what your parents think.but i KNOW without a doubt i love you amanda.i know you love me back.you said you convinced yourself that i didnt love you anymore,that i wasnt coming back to you, that we were,forever,over.but im going to say thats a lie.you may have thought you convinced yourself...but think back.look me in the eyes.tell me you honestly thought i was gone.forever.we were done.i know you felt it still.my love for you. i found out that i couldnt live without you.i always said it.always thought it.but untill the past two weeks i never truely knew it for a fact.i found out.nobody could fill your spot.cliche i know i know.but who cares??i dont care what anyone thinks anymore.i just care what your thoughts are.you`ll see.we are,i feel, already better than before.itll stay that way.we`ll be the best.as long as i have you i have everything.i found that out.its not that I needed to get closer to God. its that WE needed to.its not about me anymore.its about us.i just want you to be happy.so lets smile.run play.swing.slide.race.lets laugh.like when we were kids.but lets not pretend to be kids.lets just be us.average 17 year olds playing in the dirt.pretending we are king and queen.lets love.
your the best thing thats ever happened to me.
i love you angel
chadley
embrace forever
first off.i just want to get clear and in the open.me and kali started talkin after me and you broke up.i didnt break up with you for another girl.however lets not waste time on that.
we are dating again.so now we can both get some sleep.some good sleep too.like the kind when we were kids playing in the dirt all day and our parents try make us take a bath (but we dont want to bc that whole day we were worriors to protect the king,and worriors do not take baths bc being dirty means you killed an army) but we never make it past turning on the water to fill the tub and our towel.in which the water turns into sleeping music and the towel a pillow and the rug on the floor in front of the bath tub, well thats our bed. that kind of sleep.with no cares at all.and we never dream of breakups.only fighting a drogon, or for you, marrying prince charming.and singing with him.bc thats how you know you love each other.right right..?okay well at least that what the movie said that we watched together.enchanted i belive it was.i dont know what the world will think of us.what your friends will say.your teachers.(im sure they say oh dont take him back...but i could be wrong they could actually be happy for you)i dont know what your parents think.but i KNOW without a doubt i love you amanda.i know you love me back.you said you convinced yourself that i didnt love you anymore,that i wasnt coming back to you, that we were,forever,over.but im going to say thats a lie.you may have thought you convinced yourself...but think back.look me in the eyes.tell me you honestly thought i was gone.forever.we were done.i know you felt it still.my love for you. i found out that i couldnt live without you.i always said it.always thought it.but untill the past two weeks i never truely knew it for a fact.i found out.nobody could fill your spot.cliche i know i know.but who cares??i dont care what anyone thinks anymore.i just care what your thoughts are.you`ll see.we are,i feel, already better than before.itll stay that way.we`ll be the best.as long as i have you i have everything.i found that out.its not that I needed to get closer to God. its that WE needed to.its not about me anymore.its about us.i just want you to be happy.so lets smile.run play.swing.slide.race.lets laugh.like when we were kids.but lets not pretend to be kids.lets just be us.average 17 year olds playing in the dirt.pretending we are king and queen.lets love.
your the best thing thats ever happened to me.
i love you angel
chadley
embrace forever
Tuesday, September 30, 2008
Oh, the adventures of a cellular device.
I know that seems little kid-girlish, but I'm going to copy down about thirty saved messages off my cellular device so that I will have more space for messgaes. All of the following is from Chad Evans:
1You're beautiful. You are the angel of my nightmares. You're the beat of my heart. the air in my lungs. You make me, me....Maybe I should tell you how when you are gone I am lost in space so please come back so my feet can touch solid ground Because you are my world. my everything.
2You save me. in every way that a person can be saved. Anything you ask, I owe it to you. Goodnight my sweetheart. I love you. Dream of me (chad<3mandy)
3Amanda, promise me you'll stay with me forever. I can't make it without you. I couldn't live without you. NO matter what happens, promise you'll stay.
4Just sit there and listen to. my heart as it beats like wild for you. tell me everything you see. tell me how you feel with me. Am I everything that you seek? On the mountains highest peek. is this all you dreamed up in your head? I protect you by your bed. so just lay there,without a fear. without a care.because I am here.
5I'm tired of you making me mad when I could be happy. I mean, you do make me very happy but sometimes you just..but okay.(This was saved for certain mental purposes)
6(i hope you KNOW I love you and you really honestly don't ever have to ask) yes, true love. Love the never ends. never fades. never leaves your side. always here for you.
7Baby I love you. Everything is okay. Just rest your head on my chest. Everything's fine now.
8You're the best thing that's ever happened to me. I hope you're happy where your at in life. You make me so happy. I'm so lucky. Ah, I'm lucky. I love you forever.
9It breaks my heart.just to know you're apart. I'll fight to be with you. bleed out the blue. I'll lose every color I have. I'll sty black and white to find you every day and night. See me in your thoughts. don't worry I'm already caught. Everywhere you go, I go. After all, you are my rainbow. So I'll stay without color as long as you're my lover. (Next time you see me, smile a lot. I like your smile. P.S. I love you.)
10Baby I love you. Forever will I love you. I'll take care of us. I promise. Gosh, I love you. My beautiful angel.
11I love you my princess. YOU and only you. Just you. Not for your body or for your beauty. I love you for you. I'll do anything for you.
12I love you I love you. trust me. believe me. Because I trust you. I believe you. Let me be fully your and you fully mine. Let's not argue. Let's love.
13Ching. Kiing. Sing ring. (that's ancient greekbrue.)
14Amanda panda. You're the best. above the rest. so come love me. please please hurryee. I love love you. You're my all three wishes come true.
15Okay, so. Once upon a time there was a moo cow. and she lived in the field. She kept to herself and never bothered anyone. And lived a pretty average life. But there was a special dy. A day that she'll remember for all eternity. She witnessed a murde. Her cousin cow whom she loved. was grazing around eating grass. When on this day a black bird flew by and dropped a sharp stick arrow on the cow. It got the cow right in the introsusing. (that's the main nerve system on a cow). The cow was without nervous system. So he couldn't move. He fell into a mud puddle an drowned. When the bird's boss found out about the witness he sent out the hit man once more. The bird flew in fast and low. He dropped the stick but the cow saw it coming and moved and grabbed the stick with its tall and threw it back and the bird and it went through the bird's wing. The bird fell. The cow tortured the bird til' it told who it worked for. Then the cow killed the bird. And killed the pig, who was the boss.
16Amanda I love you. With the utmost love.
17You're the MOST beautiful. Amanda you were honestly truely so beautiful tonight. Like so beautiful tonight. Like so many times I just stared at you. In amazement that you're my girlfriend.
18You're so beautiful. You looked so good tonight. I can't get over how amazingly ravishing you looked.
19Sleep wonderful. Know I'm at your side. Holding you. Protecting you. Loving you.
20I'll do anything in the world for you. Whenever you may need me I'll be there. I'm not just saying that. That is true. I love you so much. More than everything I could imagine. I love you more than anything. I hope you know by being wiht me everyday I care about you. I hope you can see it. Through something so small as to me getting your drinks and foods or something so big as to having sex. Amanda I love you more than I ever thought it was possible. and my love gets stronger everyday for you. I'd be completely lost without you. You're my everything. I truely mean that. Everything I do has a thought of you in it. 1437.
21I hope you have a wonderful day. You're so amazing. I love you so stinking much. You are so beautiful. I'm lucky. Man, I'm so lucky. Thank you for being myamanda.
Pretty much he loves me and he thinks that he is the luckiest guy alive. How could I blame him?
1You're beautiful. You are the angel of my nightmares. You're the beat of my heart. the air in my lungs. You make me, me....Maybe I should tell you how when you are gone I am lost in space so please come back so my feet can touch solid ground Because you are my world. my everything.
2You save me. in every way that a person can be saved. Anything you ask, I owe it to you. Goodnight my sweetheart. I love you. Dream of me (chad<3mandy)
3Amanda, promise me you'll stay with me forever. I can't make it without you. I couldn't live without you. NO matter what happens, promise you'll stay.
4Just sit there and listen to. my heart as it beats like wild for you. tell me everything you see. tell me how you feel with me. Am I everything that you seek? On the mountains highest peek. is this all you dreamed up in your head? I protect you by your bed. so just lay there,without a fear. without a care.because I am here.
5I'm tired of you making me mad when I could be happy. I mean, you do make me very happy but sometimes you just..but okay.(This was saved for certain mental purposes)
6(i hope you KNOW I love you and you really honestly don't ever have to ask) yes, true love. Love the never ends. never fades. never leaves your side. always here for you.
7Baby I love you. Everything is okay. Just rest your head on my chest. Everything's fine now.
8You're the best thing that's ever happened to me. I hope you're happy where your at in life. You make me so happy. I'm so lucky. Ah, I'm lucky. I love you forever.
9It breaks my heart.just to know you're apart. I'll fight to be with you. bleed out the blue. I'll lose every color I have. I'll sty black and white to find you every day and night. See me in your thoughts. don't worry I'm already caught. Everywhere you go, I go. After all, you are my rainbow. So I'll stay without color as long as you're my lover. (Next time you see me, smile a lot. I like your smile. P.S. I love you.)
10Baby I love you. Forever will I love you. I'll take care of us. I promise. Gosh, I love you. My beautiful angel.
11I love you my princess. YOU and only you. Just you. Not for your body or for your beauty. I love you for you. I'll do anything for you.
12I love you I love you. trust me. believe me. Because I trust you. I believe you. Let me be fully your and you fully mine. Let's not argue. Let's love.
13Ching. Kiing. Sing ring. (that's ancient greekbrue.)
14Amanda panda. You're the best. above the rest. so come love me. please please hurryee. I love love you. You're my all three wishes come true.
15Okay, so. Once upon a time there was a moo cow. and she lived in the field. She kept to herself and never bothered anyone. And lived a pretty average life. But there was a special dy. A day that she'll remember for all eternity. She witnessed a murde. Her cousin cow whom she loved. was grazing around eating grass. When on this day a black bird flew by and dropped a sharp stick arrow on the cow. It got the cow right in the introsusing. (that's the main nerve system on a cow). The cow was without nervous system. So he couldn't move. He fell into a mud puddle an drowned. When the bird's boss found out about the witness he sent out the hit man once more. The bird flew in fast and low. He dropped the stick but the cow saw it coming and moved and grabbed the stick with its tall and threw it back and the bird and it went through the bird's wing. The bird fell. The cow tortured the bird til' it told who it worked for. Then the cow killed the bird. And killed the pig, who was the boss.
16Amanda I love you. With the utmost love.
17You're the MOST beautiful. Amanda you were honestly truely so beautiful tonight. Like so beautiful tonight. Like so many times I just stared at you. In amazement that you're my girlfriend.
18You're so beautiful. You looked so good tonight. I can't get over how amazingly ravishing you looked.
19Sleep wonderful. Know I'm at your side. Holding you. Protecting you. Loving you.
20I'll do anything in the world for you. Whenever you may need me I'll be there. I'm not just saying that. That is true. I love you so much. More than everything I could imagine. I love you more than anything. I hope you know by being wiht me everyday I care about you. I hope you can see it. Through something so small as to me getting your drinks and foods or something so big as to having sex. Amanda I love you more than I ever thought it was possible. and my love gets stronger everyday for you. I'd be completely lost without you. You're my everything. I truely mean that. Everything I do has a thought of you in it. 1437.
21I hope you have a wonderful day. You're so amazing. I love you so stinking much. You are so beautiful. I'm lucky. Man, I'm so lucky. Thank you for being myamanda.
Pretty much he loves me and he thinks that he is the luckiest guy alive. How could I blame him?
Thursday, September 18, 2008
An undoubtable doubtfulness.
[sigh]
I feel so over whelmed and yet I'm not over thinking it. I'm not mad. I'm not sad. I'm not curious. I'm experiencing an absolute emotionless wind, whipping over my skin. I don't know what to believe. I don't like feeling confused or inadequate. What am I? A toy? A joke? Mrs. Buckhaults said to "not present a problem unless you also show a solution." I'm trying to not even show my problems to people. I don't want to vent. I don't want to talk about what upsets me. I don't want to tell anyone anything. I just want it all to go away. I want to embrace things. I want to stop being paranoid. I want to stop wishing that I knew the answers. I want to just stop. Like a big red sign shinning in front of a speeding truck.
I am kind of letting it out at the moment. Bare with me until I regain myself. I don't know much of what it is that I'm looking for now. To be quite frank, without Chad at school it's very hard to stay focused or even want to do anything in class. I only did it to be an example to him. I don't feel like being responsible. I'm a baby, I realize.
Where does "dead as a door knob" come from? How is a door knob dead? It's never alive in the first place? OR.."there's two ways to skin a cat." I mean, why would you want to even preform such a vile thing? I cannot fathom most expressions. Well, Chad introduced me to an interesting song by Shawn McDonald called ALL I NEED. Let's drive this needing thing to the wall, shall we?
I feel so over whelmed and yet I'm not over thinking it. I'm not mad. I'm not sad. I'm not curious. I'm experiencing an absolute emotionless wind, whipping over my skin. I don't know what to believe. I don't like feeling confused or inadequate. What am I? A toy? A joke? Mrs. Buckhaults said to "not present a problem unless you also show a solution." I'm trying to not even show my problems to people. I don't want to vent. I don't want to talk about what upsets me. I don't want to tell anyone anything. I just want it all to go away. I want to embrace things. I want to stop being paranoid. I want to stop wishing that I knew the answers. I want to just stop. Like a big red sign shinning in front of a speeding truck.
I am kind of letting it out at the moment. Bare with me until I regain myself. I don't know much of what it is that I'm looking for now. To be quite frank, without Chad at school it's very hard to stay focused or even want to do anything in class. I only did it to be an example to him. I don't feel like being responsible. I'm a baby, I realize.
Where does "dead as a door knob" come from? How is a door knob dead? It's never alive in the first place? OR.."there's two ways to skin a cat." I mean, why would you want to even preform such a vile thing? I cannot fathom most expressions. Well, Chad introduced me to an interesting song by Shawn McDonald called ALL I NEED. Let's drive this needing thing to the wall, shall we?
Monday, September 15, 2008
Don't risk anything that you can not afford to lose.
"I'm speechless,over the edge. I'm just breathless, I never thought that I would catch this love bug.I'm Hopeless, head over heels, in the moment."
There's something alluring in the fact that your actions may lose or gain something. The sense that whatever you do will lead you to two different paths. Even just a simple smile can change your life, or someone else's.
It impresses me. It makes me rethink my plans.
Am I doing what I can?
[pause]
Let's find out how far the end of the earth is.
Friday, August 22, 2008
(chad)
im in computer class, dreadfully, once more.its friday though.so that ultimately means i get to hang out with you tomorrow. thats always always greatly done. that stinks about your english test. i mean you shouldve studied he he. im kidding. you always tell me i need to study but really really! you need to study. yeah yeah. i just said it. what ya going to do?hehe. im pretty starving!my tummy kinda hurts, i think bc i am hungry. im a growing boy. i neEd fooD.i hope tomorrow goes good. ill ask my mom right when i text her after school to see if you can hang out. i probably shouldve already asked. but yes yes. the tv is on. its talking about how christopher coloumbus wasnt even the one who figured out the earth is round AND he didnt even discover the new land. that crazyness. just like mr patrick was talking about how the darwin thing wasnt even talking about we came from apes yet thats what the history books say. that is such dump.im going to try and go to sleep at least before eleven tonight. i need some body rest. not just the laying on the couch kind. however i am looking forward to tomorrow. kinda nervous though. mainly from people coming to watch haha. you know how it is. the life of a hero. okay. i just thought of somthing. you have to think of somthing. it cant be all little either. like you like bird sounds. you have to think of somthing that i dont know about you. ill do the same. think about it and we`ll set a time and tell each other. its going to be hard bc i cant think of anything you dont know about me ha. one two you better get your shoe three four you want some more five six do your tricks seven eight your so great. he he. (i just sang that to you) well i hope it made you smile bc i like your smile. i do also hope your days have been good. i know there have been some down (my fault) but i hope overal. your are a happy bug. ha. hmmmmmm does my outfit look funny.? i just realized how bad i dont match or anything whatsoever haha. i have red football workout shorts,and a blue grey (i guess thats the color) shirt. and flip flops. oh yeah. what can i say. im classy like a penguin.(i forgot how to spell that one) you HAVE to figure out about that church trip with my church. i so want you to go.!its september the 19 through the 21 i think. i know its the third week in september. you need need to come. but if you cant or if you would honetsly just feel weird about going or you just dont wanna go. or your scared to ask. its all gravy. haha. bc i know how you like gravy. yum yum to you. YUCK yUck to me. i really do wish i like the weird foods you liked. i mean then we could eat it together. but i am sorry. i just dont like the nasty s of the food world. i like it simple. french fries. oh yeah!haha. do you know anyone who doesnt like french fries? i dont. do people in china have french fries? we could go over there and sell them. we make millons! ha
but i love you much. im about to sleep. its 10:02. so i migh get back on if i cant sleep and write you some more. its like im over in the war and cant see you for two years and we have to write each other. ha. only youve only wrote back once.?hmmmm maybe you found someone esle!?haha. well i love LOVE you. your the best.
i wanna be your last first kiss
i wanna be your first last kiss PLEASE.. ha
1437
your my angel. i love you
Wednesday, August 20, 2008
Tuesday, August 19, 2008
Can life get any better than this; I submit that it can not!
"Love is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake and then subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion. That is just being 'in love' which any of us can convince ourselves we are.
Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident. Your mother and I had it, we had roots that grew towards each other underground, and when all the pretty blossom had fallen from our branches we found that we were one tree and not two." - Captain Corelli's Mandolin.
What a brilliant man he is; to say that love is more than just a simple action, a feeling that lasts a while. In this sturdy quote he demonstrates that love is more complex than we even take notice for; and (the big and) you can not fall out of love. Either you are, or you weren't. I'm digging that statement. Love is something much greater than people. Perhaps that is why no one can quite grasp God's emotions towards us, humans? They can not grasp love for one another, so how must they, too, obsess over love that is beyond the expectations of modern times. Love must be sincere (Romans 12).
Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident. Your mother and I had it, we had roots that grew towards each other underground, and when all the pretty blossom had fallen from our branches we found that we were one tree and not two." - Captain Corelli's Mandolin.
What a brilliant man he is; to say that love is more than just a simple action, a feeling that lasts a while. In this sturdy quote he demonstrates that love is more complex than we even take notice for; and (the big and) you can not fall out of love. Either you are, or you weren't. I'm digging that statement. Love is something much greater than people. Perhaps that is why no one can quite grasp God's emotions towards us, humans? They can not grasp love for one another, so how must they, too, obsess over love that is beyond the expectations of modern times. Love must be sincere (Romans 12).
shake your bum jiggle {chad}
i hope everything from yesterday is pretty much worked out.other than why not tell me you have been overthinking. or why not tell me your life has been miserable. you can write it in a blog for the world to see, but you cant tell me??and i asked why you started crying saturday. you said no reason. but if youd rather keep it to yourself i wont say anything about it. other than right now obviously. but i hope you did good on that test.im thinking you will do good bc you always say your not going to do good and you do. you are smart. so you do good on everything. your just lucky like that i guess.im super hungry. the bell rings in three little minutes. i dont know if i can last though ha. my tummy is doing somthing a little differint than normal but it happens to the best. i hope your tummy is feeling better. im pretty ready for saturday. but sorry so short. i love you sugar muffin.
1437
Rebuddle:
Chad, I didn't know why I cried. I knew that I was over thinking,but I wasn't sure what about. I was just so overwhelmed by your hug. It felt so nice to just lie there with you and not worry about anything whatsoever for the first time. I knew if I tried explaining than I would (first off) ruin the peace and beauty of that moment for me. and (second) not know what to say or where to begin; it was hopeless. I know that you know I'm constantly worrying all the aching time, it's who I am. I won't stop until whatever I'm worried about is completely passed over. That hasn't happened yet too often. However, I haven't been completely miserable. I've just simply been very much confused. (The world doesn't see my blog so I don't mind what I write; it's kind of like my diary). . Yeah. Yes. I'm just not sure about a lot of things right now. I don't want to say nothing concerning you, because most everything that I'm worried about is about you. Only because everything in my life has something to do with. I'm just not positive where I am at with the whole understanding process. I love you, but I do not know how to secure that love with a healthy foundation and whatnot. It's time that I grew up, it is. I didn't do too hot on that test, but I didn't do too cold either. It's mutual. and.. I'm exhausted. Thus, goodbye. -AE.
1437
Rebuddle:
Chad, I didn't know why I cried. I knew that I was over thinking,but I wasn't sure what about. I was just so overwhelmed by your hug. It felt so nice to just lie there with you and not worry about anything whatsoever for the first time. I knew if I tried explaining than I would (first off) ruin the peace and beauty of that moment for me. and (second) not know what to say or where to begin; it was hopeless. I know that you know I'm constantly worrying all the aching time, it's who I am. I won't stop until whatever I'm worried about is completely passed over. That hasn't happened yet too often. However, I haven't been completely miserable. I've just simply been very much confused. (The world doesn't see my blog so I don't mind what I write; it's kind of like my diary). . Yeah. Yes. I'm just not sure about a lot of things right now. I don't want to say nothing concerning you, because most everything that I'm worried about is about you. Only because everything in my life has something to do with. I'm just not positive where I am at with the whole understanding process. I love you, but I do not know how to secure that love with a healthy foundation and whatnot. It's time that I grew up, it is. I didn't do too hot on that test, but I didn't do too cold either. It's mutual. and.. I'm exhausted. Thus, goodbye. -AE.
Friday, August 15, 2008
i noticed you noticing me noticing you {chad}
well im back in computer class.doing nothing. but i figure since i have football after school then go to boxing and we dont talk till eight thirtyish, i could leave you somthing most days to read. i hope your day is going pretty stinkin ravishing. i wrote you a long letter today too.i know how you like love letters ha. and i know how you like to shake your bum bum. like a milk shake. a strawberry milk shake. cause thats my most favorite. well its friday.which overal means we get to hang out tomorrow. thats always a party with cake and ice cream bc thats a favorite too haha. so as you can tell i am hungry. ready for lunch certainly. and and and we get to eat the lunch you made for us today. im excited about that. i think every friday we should start bringing our own lunch. thatd be great.you looked very good today.your really going to need to come with my church to the house boat. we would be able to hang out alot. obviously youd sleep in another house than i would but that still be very fun. you need to talk to your parents about it or something. bc i would really like that. and even if i couldnt go and you still wanted to go thatd be cool. but i know we would leave on a friday and come back sunday. i have a football game and so does dj so we would come later friday night. maybe just maybe my mom will just let me drive. and take her car bc its very good on gas. but yes i hope that works out. we should ride dirt bikes tomorrow. i hope cc doesnt go any more crazy on you aoubt not coming. haha she definitely acted weird about you not coming tomorrow. but if you do have to go then its no problem. ill come get you or if you want me to come hang out bc its boring ill come hang out.but i do hope you dont have to do that altogether. that would be best. certainly. hmmmmmmm i was suppose to remind you to not forget to do somthing ha.? i dont remember i just remember you telling me to not let you forget and i said amanda dont forget ............ but i dont remember what it was. well i hope you remembered or it you forgot i hope it wasnt important. no life or death ha. so we can work on my poster tomorrow. that will or should be fun. maybe. i hope you like reading this bc its so long. i hope it doesnt bore you bc im going to be honest. if i was you i definitely would not read this much. no no nope. no way. i just dont want you to miss me or be lonely or anything while i am at football or boxing. i dont like you being lonely and all. i wonder what you are doing right now. oh oh we have to have to take pictures and get them developed tomorrow. do not forget.!or ill ground you.... hahahaha.i was thinking about kids and all. your not going to spank them or ground them. they are going to hate me and think im evil. bc you dont do anything bad to them ha. ha.
so i mean. i just wanne say your the bestest. your amazing. you are the radest ever. im serious. i love you....
one time i went to this forrest when i was in the luithean war.(that was the most violent war ever hehe) and i was being chased by 342175-4357--zillion men. and you know i was killing them off one by one. serious. amanda dont laugh im not kidding. this really happened im serious.!!!!and my dad (the president)was telling the american army to come in after me. well i called him and said nope. dad. i can handle this. and i killed them all. i never told you about that. if you wanne know how i killed them then just ask in person (its tooooo violent to tell over computer)i just didnt want you to worry so i never told you. really .
well you are the best ever. my manda bear. dont miss me today. its all fun and games until someone gets hurt.he he. i love you i love you. i like you. i love you. i love you.
p.s.iloveyou
so i mean. i just wanne say your the bestest. your amazing. you are the radest ever. im serious. i love you....
one time i went to this forrest when i was in the luithean war.(that was the most violent war ever hehe) and i was being chased by 342175-4357--zillion men. and you know i was killing them off one by one. serious. amanda dont laugh im not kidding. this really happened im serious.!!!!and my dad (the president)was telling the american army to come in after me. well i called him and said nope. dad. i can handle this. and i killed them all. i never told you about that. if you wanne know how i killed them then just ask in person (its tooooo violent to tell over computer)i just didnt want you to worry so i never told you. really .
well you are the best ever. my manda bear. dont miss me today. its all fun and games until someone gets hurt.he he. i love you i love you. i like you. i love you. i love you.
p.s.iloveyou
Thursday, August 14, 2008
you will never grow old to me{chad}
hello amanda, its chad(mr moon)hehe.im in computer class obviously thinking of your beauty.ive come to the conclusion that ill never be able to go a hour with out thinking of how wonderful you are.i mean lets face this fact, your the best thing thats ever happened to me.well sorry so short. i love you i love you. your the bestest.
chadley
chadley
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